So much for doing a Ramadan blog like I originally planned. I was going to do a blog about food in Ramadan, but I haven’t been much of the Ramadan chef lately. I also thought about doing a blog about the life of a non-faster. See, Ramadan got off to a rocky start as it does every year for me. You know how the moon sighting has kind of become a ramadan tradition? Well for me the Ramadan tradition is basically throwing a pity party at the beginning of Ramadan on not being able to fast.
I swear this has been the hardest Ramadan of my life. I literally just spent 20 min crying for no reason. I was supposed to finish this blog post ages ago. Surprisingly I do have food posts to show. Rather than me cooking though, my brother did. It’s just so hard grasping that I have to really understand that there’s more to Ramadan than fasting. Or Atleast there’s a different type of fast. For me it’s a fast of the mind for sure.
I have not done nearly as much as I had planned this year. I sadly barely even prayed. I thought maybe writing would help. Anxiety is at an all-time high. I just feel like such a screw up. I’ve been told that since I screwed up the beginning of Ramadan I could Atleast try to make the most of what’s left of it.
Speaking of making the most of what’s left, I just recently found out about the passing of brother Ali Banat. Watching his story made me really sad and I never even met the guy or new much about him til recently. He said that we have to make the most of what time we have and just do Something with our lives particularly to help others. Kind of reminded me of a quote from Muhammad Ali, “Service to others is the rent you pay for your time here on earth.” Today my anxiety was at an all-time high because I imagined what it would be like if something happened to my parents. I also find myself thinking about how I’ll never marry.
I want to be a writer. In order to be a writer I have to write. I have all these stories jumbled up in my head needing to come out. It’s just been really rough when I feel like I can’t do anything in Ramadan. This used to be my favorite time of the year, now I just find myself crying. I realize it’s no longer the beginning of Ramadan, but I started this post and I’m determined to finish it. I do have food posts. I need to empty my photo album in my phone because my phone keeps telling me I have no space…oops. I was also supposed to limit social media this year, yah that didn’t happen. Maybe it’s a good thing it didn’t happen because Atleast my friends keep me sane. Anyway, I’ll be ok. God always gets me out of my rut. Here’s to hoping I don’t screw up the rest of Ramadan and I do what I thought I was going to do.
The life of a non-faster is quite complicated. It’s nice to find people who are in the same situation though because other people just don’t understand. I’ve had people assume I was faking it. I’m like uh lemme fast then and you’ll see me at my janazah at the end of the month. I realize that since I’m not fasting in the traditional sense I really have to pay attention to the part about the fast of the mind and spirit. I think this is the part that traditional tasters sort of forget in my opinion. It applies to everyone not just me. Only this year, I haven’t been able to think straight. I keep saying I’ll get my shit together, so why won’t I? There’s always something missing when I don’t fast. There’s also something missing when I feel like I haven’t cooked much either. All I can think about is writing. If I think about it I need to be it.
So it’s the night of Shab e miraj so I thought I’d share a naat I like. It’s dawning on me that Ramadan is fast approaching. I’m usually all ready and pumped up, but I’m not. Not gonna lie, it’s been a tough year. All I wanna do I get my life together, who knows maybe Ramadan will help with that. Here’s to hoping Atleast.
I am contemplating how much I need to pray considering what day it is today. Also not gonna lie, that ain’t easy either, but I’ve been trying. It’s a gift I have sadly taken for granted.
I’m trying to think of ways to benefit from Ramadan like extra stuff I could do, I’m considering maybe doing itekaaf for the last ten days. Never done that before. We’ll see how it goes. During Ramadan I may be blogging my experience, haven’t decided.
I was also looking at my old post on Shab e meraj, man have I changed. God help us all, including me. I watched a video on it and I was reminded that the event came after the Prophet (PBUH) dealt with very difficult times in his life. Maybe there’s a lesson in that, that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. The Qur’an does say that with hardship comes ease.
Anyway, naats help. So here’s a naat for Shab e miraj.
Inception Just happened. I think I just had a dream within a dream.
So it all started when I was listening to the audio of this book I’m reading for book club. Now, audio books are a new thing for me so I won’t get into whether or not that’s why I’m not that into the book, partly because I can’t figure out if that’s why. Anyway, so I fell asleep.
When I fell asleep I clearly dreamt I fell asleep in my parents’ bedroom. It was midday when I woke up and my parents were in the kitchen and they were totally fine with me taking a nap in their room because let’s face it I never sleep and at least I fell asleep somewhere. I was still tired so my dad said I should go back to bed so I did and that’s when it happened. I know that’s a dream because I woke up now and my dad is still at work.
I fell asleep in their room and dreamt I was in Makkah. I know I dreamt I was in Makkah because we were right by the door of the hotel and for some reason neither my mom or I was in my abaya yet and we had big bags of our abayas and my other stuff I always have with me and we were changing into them. While I was changing and also freaking out thinking I forgot my abaya, classic me anxiety in the dream, I was on Snapchat. I distinctly remember video clipping the hotel so I could juxtapose the modern day shops with what was right outside. Also pointing out that Masjid Al Haram was in fact Right outside. This wasn’t new to me because we always stay in the hotel right across the street from it. I hear my mother’s voice calling my brother and I woke up. I legit thought I was gonna wake up in my parents’ bedroom. I didn’t I’m in my own bed.
I’m not sure if I should be more confused about having a dream within a dream or the fact that it was in Makkah, Again, at least partially anyway, or why we weren’t in abayas and were changing into them right outside the mosque and not the hotel room. We didn’t get into the masjid and I woke up. This part all took place in the hotel. Is God trying to tell me something? Could I be anymore confused? Such is my life.
Soooo I’ve always said I really wanna go to Ireland and I’m an honorary Irish person, although I know a lot of people argue that Pakistanis are more like Scottish people. I could totally be Irish. So in honor of my honorary Irish-ness and my love for combining cultures, here’s a song from a Canadian/Indian/Irish band. I knew the tune was an Irish tune, but I was unaware until a friend told me that it really is from a traditional tune. Anyway, here you go: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MRPztZRJ76w
This post, the first of several on the topic, intends to highlight the various contributions of Muslim women throughout medieval and early modern history. While many people may be familiar with the…
Source: 15 Important Muslim Women in History
This is about the Night Journey & Ascension. In this night the Prophet (PBUH) led all the Prophets in prayer and ascended to the heavens the result of which, the five prayers were mandated obligatory on all Muslims. This falls on the 27th night of the Islamic month of Rajab which this year falls on May 5th starting tonight. Even if there’s no obligation to celebrate this night, people still remember it. The Night Journey started with the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) mounting an animal called Al-Buraq and going to the “farthest mosque” which is Al-Masjid Al-Aqsa. This being the 3rd holiest site in Islam. There He lead all the other prophets in prayer being the leader of the Prophets. Afterwards He (PBUH) ascended to the heavens where He was given the mandate by God to pray. As the story goes, He (PBUH) was told to pray 50 times and then as He left he spoke with Moses (upon whom be peace) who told Him (PBUH) that 50 is too much go get it reduced. So He kept going back and forth between God and Moses getting it reduced up to 5 which was the final reduction because the Prophet was too embarrassed to go back again. So there it was, the story of how we as Muslims began praying 5x/day.
I pass by this story every year and for some reason this year it’s resonating with me more. Last week I went to Jummah with my dad and it was different from other Jummahs I’ve experienced. After Jummah we went to the market and saw Muslims just hanging out and having lunch they way they do after prayer. This simple act really made me feel at home in the community. This made me feel proud of my community as a whole. We went to a mosque that had a diverse community and I Love seeing the diversity and unity that resides within Islam. You really see this through the community spirit of praying. On this night we remember our community spirit as a whole as well as the reminder that prayer is also there if we are struggling with something in our lives and if we aren’t be thankful. Prayer is one of the focal points of Islam and this is a part of how it began. Thinking about this story makes me wish I could one day see the spot where the Prophet ascended to the heavens. When I was in Makkah and Medina last year, I was reminded that these were the places where the Prophet stepped. This is where it all began. Days like these and days like Jummah where I can see the community at finest make me so happy and proud to be a part of this Ummah. It gives me a sense of Home.