So a lot has been going on since I last wrote like literally anything. I have come to find that not writing is probably not the way to go. Writing helps release a lot of stress. My anxiety has been on overdrive as of late. As far as this post is concerned it’s just to announce that I’ve decided I need to keep writing or so I’ve been told. So far the only person’s advice I’m really listening to is the age of 7. As per request, I’ve decided I will be writing short stories which have morals in them…I think. An upcoming movie review will also be in the works.
The issue I have I think, with everything is taking the plunge. I discussed this with a friend earlier about a topic I don’t wish to discuss, but to be honest I think it relates to literally everything I do. I’m sitting here in Barnes & Noble and to be honest I’ve come across some pretty ridiculous and yet intriguing book titles. If someone can write a book called “Assholes” I think I can write about pretty much anything. Might be a long stretch to think I could come up with a major epiphany in a book shop and write as JK Rowling did in a coffee shop. Alas, I have no idea if I will ever be as great of a writer. Anyway, here’s to what’s on my mind.
Lately my anxiety has been on overdrive. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s a legit anxiety concern or I’m just paranoid. It’s like I’ve just gotten so much older and once I got old I’m not willing to take chances like I used to. This must change. I can’t keep stalling my life. I used to have this major desire to travel. Yah that’s no longer there. Nowadays leaving my house worries me, particularly given my latest experience of having car trouble on a highway. That was not fun.
I thought about writing about Women’s International Day, but I think pretty much every woman on the planet beat me to it. I have a lot to discuss about Black Panther. I will be writing stories which I mentioned earlier.
Right now the most pressing matter on my mind probably has to do with being the bigger person in a dispute. Is there any use waiting for an apology? Should I just let it go when it was something that really upset me? How can a person “respect a disability” when the disabled person does not want that to be their only focus of their life? I have never once asked for anyone’s pity and nor have I ever used my disability as a crutch for pity. I never say I’m tired because of it. So why is it even brought up? People I grew up with barely know anything about it and treat me as they would anyone else so why can’t the people who claim to be the closest to me see me like anyone else? And Why do I feel like I’m the one being tortured for this? I don’t know if I feel more anger or disappointment right now. Probably more disappointment. I just feel so exhausted in trying to prove that I’m more than my disability. People keep telling me I have to prove myself, but I feel like I’ve been doing that all my life. I want to be able to travel, but now I just get so overwhelmed because “how am I gonna handle it” has been etched into my brain.
Good God this post got depressing fast. I was just hoping that if I cleared my head a bit I would be able to write happy stuff. Happy stuff is good, but it’s also good to be real once in a while. I just realized that my dreams of being a writer haven’t changed much over the years. Signing off for now! Hopefully more posts soon!