Being the Doctor

So last week, I watched the latest episode of Doctor Who and needless to say, it crushed my soul. That’s putting it lightly. Don’t get me wrong, the episode was GREAT. There was nothing wrong with the episode with regard to the acting, the setting, the soundtrack etc. Everything was perfect. The acting was heart wrenching. The Doctor lost Clara, basically twice. First Clara died. Then he went back and saved her.

In the episodes that followed her death The Doctor mentioned something interesting. He said that (paraphrased because I can’t remember the exact line) when someone dies it doesn’t really sink in, only the days after does it really affect someone. That is so true. This is why I feel like the episodes after her death, particularly the last one were harder to deal with than her actual death. This is definitely something I can relate to, having lost someone and it not really sinking in ’til afterwards. I can understand why Clara told him not to take revenge or be anger and I completely understand why he doesn’t listen.

He’s The Doctor for cryin’ out loud, he doesn’t listen and he doesn’t tell the truth. He’s pretty much me. For the people who know me, they know I suck at both. So I’ve only come to know Doctor Who through the 9-12 doctors. I haven’t watched Classic Who yet, so some things are still very new to me. I’m trying to decide which doctor is my favorite and it’s between 11 and 12 at this point. When I choose favorites I like to choose them based on similar characteristics to me. Kind of reminds me of a famous Punjabi song called “Bulla Ki Jana mein Kaun” basically that means Bullah (famous poet) who I am?!” I can see how Doctor Who would be a series of episodes trying to figure out who you are and what your role in society is. His role, is to be the Doctor as Clara clearly wrote on her chalkboard in the end and he has to take care of the world.

Both phrases in Doctor Who kind of resonate with me, “Run You Clever Boy and Remember” and “Run You Clever Boy and Be a Doctor”. Remember why y0u’re running. Remember that you are the doctor and ultimately there will be no one in this world other than you to fix it. People come and go, as Clara clearly and sadly showed us. It’s up to each individual person to fix the world, we can’t depend on anyone else. Clara will only fly off in a diner Tardis. Be the change you wish to see. Does anyone really have any idea how difficult it is to prove that?

Speaking of the diner Tardis. This brings me to my next point. Is it going to look like that forever because she’s essentially The Doctor now and I don’t think her chameleon circuit works either. I LOVE that she’s basically The Doctor now. She can go anywhere in the world and she chose Galifrey. I totally think there’s meaning behind this, even though it’s wishful thinking on my part. Eventually 12 would have to go back to Galifrey (because isn’t he kind of president? I’m still confused on that) and they would have to meet and then he would realize that she’s the one he saw in the diner. I’m so sad that his memory was wiped even though that’s the way it had to be because he would have never moved on otherwise. He loved her. It was a special kind of love that isn’t in the real world.

So in the end, Clara told him that he must move on in the way she tells him everything. He Must be the Doctor. In the end, that’s all anyone can do. They must keep moving forward and be the Doctor, myself included. It does get hard at times, but with hardship comes ease. I really wish I had a TARDIS.

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