So I just woke up and I think I poked myself in the eye while I was asleep. Good thing everyone now knows I can be funny when I first wake up.
Anyway, a lot goes through my mind in the morning so here goes on my process to clear my head so I can write properly:
1. I feel like Sherlock Holmes where he says he has to delete certain information in his brain to make room for the important things, I think that’s why he acted like he didn’t know who Margret Thatcher was, but it could’ve been a different episode.I’m talking about the show not the book.
2. My eye hurts and is watery. Is that a bad thing?
3. I had a dream last night I was in Makkah and I was walking and I touched the Kaaba. Oddly enough it wasn’t very crowded. I think I noticed a tear in the Ghilaf? I’m not sure what that could’ve meant for the dream. Maybe I gotta fix my faith, not maybe-probably. Anyway, the thing is I was Walking. Like in zero pain. This part could be because I’ve been focused on my immense disdain for a certain physiotherapy. Is it Supposed to make said injury feel worse? My parents are wondering why I have it 3x a week. They seem to forget I had it that much as a kid and I was Probably in as much pain as I am now which is why I blocked it out and just seem to want to announce my hatred for it without giving a sound explanation as to why, every time people try to force me to do it.
4. For some reason I can’t write a post in one sitting and I have to try to learn to do that otherwise there would be no point in calling this post, “Good morning”
5. I just saw this on my cousin’s Facebook status, “Wishful thinking is not a strategy.” I agree, but it could be step 1.
6. Step one to what you might ask? Goals. Goals that I have had for years and yet always felt like I’ve had an obstacle. This morning I texted my sister and mentioned that Riz Ahmed was at the National College of Arts in Lahore. My intention was not to start talking about my celebrity crush this early in the morning (although there ain’t nothing wrong with that!) my intention was to start talking about what he was Doing at the National College of Arts. I’m following his posts on Instagram, partly for the celebrity crush reason, but mostly for his work. His thoughts on being a 3rd culture kid. His thoughts on this hyphenated identity, whether being a Brit like him or an American like me, both with Pakistani heritage. He was at a Literature event which made me think about my goals of becoming a story teller even more. Right now I have an idea cooking finally and I want to use the mountains of Islamabad as my scenery. Anyway, back to the obstacle. Instead of responding to that my sister starts telling me about some guy she works with that’s been in a wheelchair for 10 years and has never let his disability get to him. I messaged her back and was basically telling her to think back on my life and mention one time where I’ve ever used my disability as a crutch or said I was tired. Even as I write this now it’s very difficult for me to write because it’s just something I do Not discuss. It’s not me who is willingly going to physiotherapy , ok it is me, but what I meant is I’m not willingly doing it. And I’m not even doing it for Spina bifida!! For the millionth time. Even the kids in my stories, they have obstacles, but they aren’t disabled. It’s not something I “let get to me”. I let others get to me. Maybe that’s one in the same? Kind of like Jane Austen, everyone gets married in her books and yet she never married. I told my sister maybe I am doing something with my life I just haven’t announced it because people will put nazar on it. I freaking believe in that now. Didn’t before.
7. Touring Pakistan going to a Literature festival on my own would be amazing. Using the mountains as my backdrop for clearing my head. I think you get the idea of where I’m going with this. Ugh This is why I follow people like Riz on social media. Helps get creativity flowing. Here’s to hoping I don’t get obstacle in my brain…